[Arc] [Rubeck Island Conquest][Part 2] Last Tango in Rubeck

Thankfully, the frightened rat wasn’t the only one suffering here. Some poor saps were currently going through blunt force trauma. Repeatedly. Meanwhile, another patient was sneezing up a storm. It gave him a desperately needed moment to catch his breath.

The crook started correcting his messy clothes. Needed something for his hands to do, see. “Is that so? Fancy that.” He grumbled to the ominous offer. His numb fingers struggled with the shirt buttons.

Nevertheless, the businessman tried to remain polite. Professional. “Look, friend, unless you can conjure new limbs out of thin air, then I fail to... see...” And that’s when his shaken head finally caught up to his chatty mouth.

Richard retreated into the library of his mind. Opening a tome titled ‘The Spider Miles Heist Incident’, he refreshed his memory. Leafed through some gilded recollections. His greed immediately snatched certain fleeting pictures from the pages.

It whispered awful, wonderful ideas in his ears.

There was probably some infection of irony the doctor was missing here... But he was too busy daydreaming to notice. If the aptly named Goldmonger was suggesting what he was guessing, then it might be worth hearing the man out...

Like an oft-worn mask, the entrepreneur donned his usual smile. “I mean... I’m open to ideas.” With a glint of gold in his eyes, he adjusted his tie. “How do you propose you might be able to help? And...” His eyes narrowed. The smile sharpened.

“What’s the catch?”

There was always a catch. A hook. Just the nature of the business.

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Total: 17 878 / 13 500

By curiosity -and simple exhaustion- the rat resisted the innate urge to scamper away. If all rodents walked into traps so easily, exterminators would’ve been out of a job pretty quickly. Though, in his defense, this trap had the shiniest bait...

Richard watched carefully, as the gleaming mass took form. It was a rare occasion to study one of the cursed fruits up close. While he still considered the entire concept highly unscientific, the naive, young researcher in his soul never really went away. It just... grew old and cynical, over the years.

The doctor appraised the golden prosthetic with a keen eye. Not quite as bright and vibrant as pure gold... Eighteen or fourteen karats, if he were to guess. It seemed like the leg of a mannequin, a replica crafted to masterfully mimic the real thing. Yet, it didn’t move like one.

That was going to be a problem.

Keeping the pleasant facade, the crook scratched his chin. “Ah, but of course. Just what friends do.” In another life, the gold-enthusiast would’ve made for a great poker player. Feeding people bullshit and calling it a sandwich without a hint of hesitation...

Lifting the leg, the entrepreneur turned it idly. “Impressive craftsmanship, I must admit... It’s almost like the real thing...” He placed an odd emphasis on the word.

Richard cast a knowing look at the Goldmonger. “Really, it’s only lacking a knee joint. A hinge, if you will.” Wagging the stiff leg weakly, he dangled the hint in front of the man’s nose. “Of course, if that happens to be beyond your skills, well...” He trailed off, leaving the thinly-veiled challenge lingering in the expectant silence.

Words: 277
Total: 18 155 / 13 500

Hook, line and sinker. In another life, the crook could’ve made for a decent fisherman. Suppressing a smug grin, he let the fish devour the bait. He kept his mouth shut and let the metal maestro work.

Unscientific or not, these fruits certainly something... With a literal snap of fingers, the golden leg went from a mannequin piece to a functional prosthetic. The hinge filled in where the ruined knee failed. No amount of surgery could’ve saved it. Better to replace it.

Richard raised the leg, feeling how the hinge responded to the weight. Sure, it was heavy and unwieldy compared to the real thing, but... “Impressive. Thank you, friend.” It was still preferable hobbling around with sticks, for one.

While the ‘Monger and the Mink got acquainted, the rat went back to fixing his clothing. A wasted effort, really. Much too soggy and shredded... But appearances were important. No matter the mask he wore, he wanted to look his best. Er, well, the best he could, under the circumstances.

And on the topic of masks...

The sharp-dressed pirate’s polite demeanor didn’t even waver. “Well, nice to meet you too, young lady.” It only took a hint of sarcasm. “I am Brook, someone who doesn’t judge others based on appearances.” He lied as naturally as he breathed. Granted, the former was proving easier than the latter, at the moment.

However, Hina didn’t seem all that convinced. She squinted at the man. “Uh huh... Sure thing, ‘Brook’...” After a suspicious pause, she turned to her reckless friend. “Why is this guy even here?” She ignored the pointed stare she got from ‘this guy’.

Kazu seemed to snap out of his fearful stupor. Recent events rolled back into his mind. “What, him? He was here for the barber battle, ‘cuz I need to beat Jiro to get his help for...” A little more. There it was, the spark of realization.

“Oh, shit! Moletown!”

The new boss passed a glance at his freshly recruited posse. “Right, we gotta fuckin’ fight!” His fervor quickly got the monkeys agreeing. They didn’t even know who they were fighting or what for, but they were ready to raise hell all the same.

Richard, meanwhile, chuckled at the entire conga line of misguided words. ...It hurt to laugh.

Hina marched over to the soggy man and prodded him with her foot. “What’s so funny, rat-face?”

“Oh, so we’re moving to insults now. Classy.”

Her stare narrowed. “Answer the question.”

The doctor scoffed. “First, there is no ‘we’.” Digging into his pocket, he produced a brown bottle without a label. “I am going to get out of here, see. Lay low until the heat dies down.”

Carefully, he popped the cork open and dropped two pale pills into his waiting palm. His gaze lingered on them. “Assuming I don’t bite it first...” After brief hesitation, he added a third, before downing all in one painfully dry gulp.

They scraped his throat, as they tumbled down.

He coughed.

“Se-cough-ond... There won’t be a fight.” He cast a cold look at the kids. “There’ll be a massacre.” Twenty years ago, he might have felt something. Pity, probably.

Now, he felt nothing.

Richard slowly pushed himself onto his feet. The golden leg slipped against the wet stone. “You fine folks can throw your lives away if you’d like. Don’t let me stop you.” He brushed his clothing out of habit, before realizing how pointless it was to even try.

Kazu, however, wasn’t having it. Not after coming this far. “Hey, fuck you! We’re not just leaving the boss to face all those shits alone!”

The rat raised a brow. “Boss...?” Who on earth would be dumb enough to...? Oh. He got hit by a memory from two decades ago. A very shaky, rattly memory. How could he ever forget?

Richard’s polite mask soured. The fake smile fell to a slant. “Ah yes, the bear... In an ideal world, he might stand a chance against the Queen.” Naturally, there was a ‘but’ coming. “But this is not an ideal world. She’s got an army at her beck and call.” He knew the people. Knew the rules...

“Even that old monster can’t hope to take on all of them at once.”

Kazu folded his arms with a firm nod. “Right. You’re saying that if we wanna even the odds... We gotta cut off the head of the sink.”

“Snake.” Hina helped.

“Yeah, that.” The boy agreed.

Finally, the polite mask cracked. From beneath it peeked a blank stare of disbelief. “What? No. I am saying that-” He cut himself off there. First, why did he even care?

Second, the reckless youth were already discussing their suicidal strategy. There was no stopping them. That much was obvious.

“...I feel like you’re not listening.” He muttered bitterly.

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Total: 18 916 / 13 500

In a heartbeat, the criminal was grabbed and rattled by a painfully vivid déjà vu. Like father, like daughter, apparently... Clearly, she had inherited more than just the man’s temper.

While the beast in girl’s clothing howled, the rat dipped a hand into his pocket. Gently, he brushed against his options. Soaked bills, cracked vials... Ah, there. His fingers coiled around a small and icy piece of metal. It felt like the handshake of an old friend.

Again, some sensible part of him chimed up in the furthest depths of his mind. With a weak, wavering voice it asked if he really was going to stab an upset and frightened girl. Hardened criminals were one thing... But this was just a child worried for her father. Right...?

...His grip on the shiv tightened.

However, before the coward could do something that someone would regret, things promptly went from bad to worse. His eyes were drawn to the flutter of an awfully familiar piece of paper. Emphasis on awful.

Richard recoiled, as the offending hand suddenly released its iron grip. Wheezing for air, he adjusted the collar. “T-that could be anyone.” He lied, out of reflex and mostly to himself.

Hina’s shaky stare swept the words beneath the photo. “Terrorism... Arson... Mass murder...?” She read slowly, fighting back the wave of sheer disbelief. Glancing up from the paper and seeing the sorry rat-faced mess only made the whiplash worse. There was no way...

“...Explain, Plague Rat.”

Richard cringed at the epithet. “Well, I didn’t pick it myself, if that’s what you’re asking.” He averted his gaze, glancing down at the hefty suitcase. “You work as a doctor for twenty years and nobody remembers, but you accidentally cause ONE plague...” Life was unfair, see.

The girl blinked at the grumbling man. “What? No, I meant-” She showed the poster, tapping an insistent finger against the hefty bounty. “-this! Is any of this actually true?!” Her patience had run out three arguments ago.

Squirming beneath the fierce questioning, the doctor tried to find the words. And a better smile than the painfully fake one sitting awkwardly on his face. “Er, well, y-you see... It’s all a big misunderstanding, really... I am merely a humble entrepreneur trying to make a living...” His trembling legs tried to carry him away, one shaky step at a time. The golden one struggled to find traction.

And he just..

Could not...

Shut up.

“People put too much faith in those numbers, see. It’s not really a reliable measure of power or threat level. I mean, just look at me. Do I really look like the kind of guy who is even capable of anything heinous? Furthermore-”

Hina listened to the rat’s rambling for a moment, before turning her attention back onto the poster. “So, it’s all true then.” She decided bluntly. Someone here was spouting blatant lies and it wasn’t the silent piece of paper.

Richard snapped out of his poorly improvised excuses. “Hey! Don’t just leap to the opposite conclusion!” He was frankly wounded that someone would so readily label him a crook. Wounded!

Limping past the insulting implication, the definitely-not-a-crook tried another approach. “And didn’t you just shout my ears off about how I’m weak and useless?”

The warrior girl measured the disheveled man before her with her gaze. Something about him had been giving her the creeps this entire time. “Just because something is weak doesn’t mean they can’t be dangerous. My father told me so. I thought he was talking about wounded animals...” A chill of warning ran down her spine...

“But I think I finally get what he actually meant.”

“I feel like that’s another jab directed at me...”

The gorilla disguised as a girl was not swayed by the rat’s whining. She stomped closer and poked the crook in the chest. “You are going to help.” Her tone didn’t leave any room to argue.

...But Richard hadn’t let that stop him before. “And what makes you think I will help you?”

Hina’s glare narrowed. There was a storm brewing behind those eyes. “Because if you don’t...” The poking finger swung to point off the nearest cliff. “I’m throwing you down the mountain.” It wasn’t as much a threat as it was a promise.

The crook tried to swallow the fear that was forming a clump in his throat. “...Y-you wouldn’t survive the a-attempt.” Now that was meant as a threat. It would’ve been more menacing if he could’ve managed more than just a squeak.

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There was an old saying out in the Paradise about how ‘real recognizes real’. Upon feeling the friendly punch, the doctor gained some insight on what that meant. He wasn’t quite sure whether this was better or worse than the girl’s reaction, however... Something about the genuine approval just filled him with deep, deep shame.

See, all that glitters is not necessarily gold...

Still, in the name of politeness, the crook mumbled something non-committal that vaguely resembled a thanks. Despite the differences in... Professional approach... He didn’t have anything personal against Goldmonger. This was all just business.

Before the rat could try sneaking away, the gorilla in a girl’s guise caught him by the collar. Or the throat, rather. He could feel his eyes bulging out of their sockets. Rather unpleasant, really. Wouldn’t recommend it.

Fortunately, someone else here had the golden touch, when it came to appeasing the horribly violent girl. Almost dropping like a sack of potatoes, the criminal wheezed for air. Sweet, sweet air... “Thanks...” He managed between the raspy gasps. And this time he meant it too.

The coward focused on catching his breath. His eyes frantically sought an escape route. Call it a hunch, but something told him this was his last chance to slip away. If he stuck around for any longer, he was bound to get wrapped up in this mess.

Worse yet, the rowdy troop of monkeys were drawn to their new boss like furry magnets. They had no regard for anyone’s safety. Including their own. They were ready to bash some heads and not much could stop them now.

So, while the kids were busy panicking, the old doctor took a step back. ...Except his new leg still wasn’t quite cooperating. It felt heavy... Slipping against the slick stone... Dragging him towards the edge. It took serious effort to fight the terrain, as well as gravity in general.

Richard snagged his suitcase and slowly staggered away from the group. It could hardly be called sneaking. Not with the steady clink-clink-clink made by his new limb. Just a couple more steps and... Fwomp. His retreat was stopped by something soft and fluffy.

Freezing on the spot, the rat immediately went through the worst possible options to run into at this very moment. Could be a hungry bear. Or that zoinked out llama mink sneaking up on him. It could even be-!

“Baa-a-a-a-aa.”

A rather annoyed bleat startled the coward. He yelped and spun around, only to find a fluffy, white mass staring right back. Sturdy body, strong legs, curved horns... Its long facial fur strongly resembled the mustache of an esteemed elderly gentleman. Kind of majestic, actually. Savvy travelers -and zoologists- were sure to recognize a model specimen of a Rubeckian Ram.

...Wait, scratch that, a whole herd of them.

Upon seeing no bears, or llamas, Richard had the absolute nerve to breathe a sigh of relief. “Phew...” Lady Luck didn’t like that and neither did the territorial animals. Their huge-horned leader scraped the ground with its powerful hoof. It drew sparks.

“Oh no...”

Approximately five seconds later, an entire herd of rams barreled down the narrow mountain path. While Kazu and his crew were savvy enough to dive out of the way, others may not have been as lucky...

Cuzco, for one, was way too high for any kind of evasive maneuvers. Instead, he got dragged along for a ride. And ride, he certainly did, cruising on the wave of fur and fury with relaxed ease. “Yo, surf’s up, dudes! Llamamama~!”

Richard, meanwhile, was clinging on for dear life. Somehow, through a cruel trick of fate, he had managed to dodge the horns... Only to accidentally fall on top of the animal. Memories of a certain desert town, a powerful pirate and a runaway camel flashed before his eyes... This always happened to him around animals...

What had he done to deserve this?!

...Don’t answer that.

The runaway herd rushed into the dark tunnel, following their leader like a sea train on a track. Richard gave up on praying and focused on holding on for dear life. His only solace was that this ride would be swift and brief. Though, he didn’t even want to imagine where they might end up...

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Total: 20 379 / 13 500

True to the name, Mole Hill was teeming with tunnels every which way. It was a labyrinth of darkness and death. The routes went everywhere. Even for seasoned smugglers, it took planning, manpower and genius levels of intellect to figure out all the paths. ...Alternatively, a bunch of fools could blindly rush in where demons fear to tread.

Richard rode the ram recklessly. Closing his eyes made no difference. It was still just as dark and terrifying. In his desperation, he muttered prayers to every deity he could think of, from Poseidon to Davy Jones. Unfortunately, divine intervention probably didn’t work so close to Hell.

Meanwhile, the rams were rather enjoying their rampaging romp. To them, even the faintest bits of bioluminescence was like a lighthouse cutting across the shadows. Lean left, tight right, jump, they barreled through the tunnels.

And, against all odds, at the end of the tunnel there was light...

Meanwhile, the Contraband Queen trying not to chew through her smokes out of sheer frustration. First, some bold idiot dared to kill her property, while on her property. Next, Richie and Bob both go missing, not answering calls. And now this... The single most important piece for winning this stupid, little chess game was, somehow, still not in her grasp!

What else could go wrong?

Well, the unspoken question got an answer, when the door suddenly flew open. A wheezing henchman leaned against the frame, struggling to catch his breath. “Now what?!” The sharp demand sped up the process considerably. “I-it’s the Plague Rat!” He blurted out.

“What...?”

With eight muscular tentacles, the octopus woman flew down the stairs at a speed that would’ve put a spider to shame. She burst into the cellar of her war operations to witness... The strangest travesty she had seen in ages.

A whole herd of Rubeckian Rams was harassing the remaining workers. Headbutts sent hapless goons flying. A llama mink was laughing his ass off and ranting something about cosmic karma. There was even a stranger decorated in gold, familiar from a poster. In the middle of it all, the Plague Rat was trying to collect his bones. He looked like shit.

The baffled mermaid stared at the chaos, struggling to drink in the cocktail of emotions roiling up inside her. Tch, never mind all that... First things first, damage control. Once she had her tentacles around the situation again, she could take her sweet time strangling it all into submission...

So, deep breaths.

And big smiles.

Wearing the sweet smile like a well-crafted mask, the Contraband Queen clasped her hands together. “Oh, thank goodness you are alright, Richie~!” Like her sultry voice, the woman herself drifted across the floor with the ease of a ballroom dancer. She offered a tentacle. “I was so~oo worried when you went missing~ Here, let me help you up-” However, instead of a thankful hand accepting her help... She found a gun pointed at her.

Richard stared at the towering woman the same way a Chihuahua looked at a stranger. Wide-eyed, trembling and seconds away from snapping. Only his gun remained as steady as a surgeon’s scalpel.

The plastered smile cracked ever so slightly. “Hmhmhm~mufufu~” The menacing mermaid hid her twitching lips behind her hand. Suddenly, a loud laugh echoed through the cellar.

“Oohohohoho~!”

Wiping a tear, the Queen shook her head. “Oh, Richie, darling, you’re too much~ Ever the jester~” She leaned closer, passing an icy whisper beneath her breath. “I know you didn’t just pull a fucking gun on me.” Why, a less merciful ruler might take that as a threat.

The venomous woman passed a quick glance at the two other surprise guests. A welcome surprise at that... “And won’t you introduce me to your new friends~?” Her men had been looking for the golden boy all over the place, only for him to pop up right in her cellar. And to think a wanted superstar had been hiding in her backyard as well. Silver linings.

She knew the people.

Yet, Richard didn’t respond or relent. The moment he put his gun down, he was a dead man. It could be quick, or it could be agonizingly slow, but the Queen would not let this go unpunished.

He knew the rules.

Since the stand-off was going nowhere, the Queen eventually slithered back a step or two. “My, my~ You drive a hard bargain~” A deceptive gesture. Her reach was far longer than she ever let on. “Fine then, let’s negotiate. You put that thing away... And I’ll let you live.”

Words: 761
Total: 21 140 / 13 500

A stand-off didn’t always have to end in violence. Sometimes, the stalemate could be broken by a negotiator stepping in to tip the scales. ...Or a sly dog whispering something completely unexpected to a nervous wreck. Whatever worked.

For the umpteenth time today, Richard found himself caught completely off-guard. Or caught in the Goldmonger’s pace, rather. Dumbfounded, he returned the highest honor out of pure reflex. He fancied himself a quick-witted salesman with a silver tongue... But what on earth were you supposed to say to that? “Uh... Thank you...?” Eh, good enough.

Once the initial shock wore off, the rat shook his head vehemently. “Wait, no, I mean, yes, I mean, it was just one time, I mean...” Words fell out of his rattled brain and through his mouth in a messy string.

By now, Venoronica had caught on as well. She was well-versed in hushed whispers. It was, after all, the lingua franca of the underworld. ...Granted, her old flame’s reaction made it pretty easy to guess the topic. It was funny, really. In a medical setting, the man could be perfectly professional and oh so cold regardless of what was shown to him. But off the clock... Hm, well, a lady never tells~

Taking advantage of the distraction, the mermaid slithered closer. Deftly, her tentacles coiled around the duo akin to a fence. Or a trap. Wearing the sultry smile, she snatched the doctor into a smothering hug. “Aw, Richie, no need to be bashful~ I missed you too~” ...And made sure to pin his gun arm into a place where it couldn’t cause harm.

“Besides, it was waaay more than just one time~”

Beneath the seductive show, the Contraband Queen was carefully counting the pieces on the board. Despite what she may have said -or done- in a fit of anger... Both of these fine, strapping gentlemen were worth far more than their bounties suggested. Especially if she could keep them on her side of the board. She simply had to... Motivate them.

Pull their strings...

And watch them dance~

Keeping the struggling rat pinned against her chest, the calculative Queen turned to the golden guest. “Ah, but where are my manners~? I was so excited by this touching reunion that I completely forgot to introduce myself.” Her powerful tentacles slithered along the floor like snakes, drawing ever closer. Just a little closer, and she would have them both in her grasp...

The menacing mermaid tilted her head and batted her lashes. “I am Venoronica Belladonna, the Contraband Queen~ But you may just call me Queen for short.” She liked to think that despite the years rolling on, she still got it. “And any friend of good ol’ Richie here is a friend of mine~”

A quiet protest was muffled between the mounds.

Creeping ever closer, the cruel ruler measured the visitor with her gaze. Her voice drifted like smoke, but there was venom hiding behind her hungry eyes. “Now, who might you be? And what brings you to my humble cellar, hm~?” She feigned innocence well, but any denizen of the underworld knew what women like her were all about. Sometimes, the shiny things and glittering words were just fool’s gold, as the titular monger should well know.

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Total: 21 683 / 13 500